Thankfully, the Lord has intervened and has been doing the slow work of making me vulnerable. Opening my heart to love, live and dream. (Click here to read Part 1)
One of my biggest dreams is to become influential. I don’t want to be the first woman president or anything like that, but I do want to be someone who people look to when they want to know how to know and experience God. I don’t think that I have all the answers, but I do want to be a part of God’s work in the lives of others. I want to point people to Jesus.
Blogging has become an avenue to that dream. I dream of my blogs becoming influential. Like, big scale influential. Ann Voskamp, Kay Arthur, Beth Moore influential. (I hope you appreciate how scary it is for me to admit this!) Each of them point women to Jesus and He is glorified in them. I want that.
I applied for a sponsorship this past month. It was such a dream! I am sure that there were hundreds of proposals. If I had received the sponsorship my blogs would have been given some amazing exposure, and I would have been given a ticket to the Relevant Conference (which I SO BADLY want to go to). Though my stomach was in knots the night before the announcement, and I felt like I was back in High School waiting to see if I made the cheerleading squad…it was fun to dream. And it was a dream. Whether or not I got the sponsorship was SO TOTALLY NOT UP TO ME. I had no control over their decision.
I didn’t get the sponsorship. There was a little part of me that was disappointed. But I dreamed and I told others about my dream. The dream failed. But, you know what? The dream doesn’t define me. My worth is not tied to the dream. Life went on and I wasn’t crushed or embarrassed. I didn’t fail; it just wasn’t the Lord’s plan.
I am incredibly scared to publish this post and let you all into my heart, my dream of being influential. The practical part of me is screaming, “What are you thinking? You are never going to become super-influential, nor do you really want the responsibilities that would come with it. You just like the idea of the dream. Why let it all hang out there for anyone to see?! If it never happens you will feel like a fool for ever letting anyone know what your hopes are.“
Yet there is something inside of me that can’t let this go. Something is compelling me to share this. Maybe it is all just a cry to you all, to let me know I am not alone in my fear to be a dreamer?
So, what about you? Do you relate to this fear of dreaming? Do you tend to prepare your heart for the worst instead of allowing vulnerability? How do you see failing to dream affecting your life and relationships?
thank you for so honestly sharing your heart – you are already such an encouragement to others’ walk with Jesus, it will be exciting to see who else God draws nearer to himself through your blogging!
There’s always next year so… sit back, enjoy & let God work in you, according to His will. 🙂 It took almost two years for me to set up the Christian Home Ed group in my local area. The reason being, God had a lot to work in me, before He was ready to let me head up His group. 🙂
Everything is in Gods hands, including you thank God 🙂 He has wonderful plans for you & I’m looking forward to seeing where He leads you.
For encouragement… 1 Corinthians 15:58
P.S. I’m not for one minute saying that it’s going to take that long for you or that God has a lot to work in you. I was just giving you an example & hopefully be an encouragement to you. 🙂
Thanks for your encouraging words, Liz. I love that our God is one who we can completely trust in. I never have reason to doubt His character, and so can trust in whatever He chooses to give or withhold from me!
What a brave and honest and wonderful post! Thank you for sharing your heart 🙂 God is moving all sorts of ways, and I know that you’ll back on this moment and see His plan!
Absolutely! I am confident that His plan is best. Thanks for reading, Aurie!
You have already been a huge influence to me! I know what you mean…I also dream about making an impact with my blog, and its scary. I tell myself all the reasons I can’t do it. I remind myself of all the great bloggers already out there. I wonder how I could ever succeed when I struggle to even find time to blog some weeks. But I believe that God gives us those dreams, so I’ll keep dreaming. Thanks for all you do – you’re already making a huge difference in women’s lives!
I appreciate your encouragement, Amanda! I have loved blogging, and thought I long for others to be encouraged through my efforts, I get so much out of blogging. It keeps me thinking through my days, and how I spend my time. A bit of accountability to stay intentional in my walk with the Lord, and my relationships with others (especially my family!)
Good morning, Katie….lots of ‘failed’ dreams here in my life…..
well, should say ‘not now’ dreams…..this is what i learned about it….
if it’s not worth doing for one, it’s not worth doing…..
Jesus would have died for me alone….that’s the message we want to share with everyone, right?….
He would have done it for one….
the woman at the well, “one”….worthy of Jesus’ time and effort….and such a life changed for her….
we influence people in ways we don’t know…that ‘otheworldly’ kingdom work……
when i was back in Nashville, i put together a plan to have a ministry for the young girls in the projects…
spent hours and hours of planning for it, getting special speakers and Bibles donated for the
“True Love Waits” program we would do with them weekly….
walked the streets passing out flyers, talking to as many as i could…..
i just knew my little apartment was going to be filled up that first saturday….i so wanted to influence them all…well, saturday came….two girls came….
to say i was a bit embarrassed with my two special helpers there and all i had asked to pray was an understatement….
i was dissappointed and frustrated and confused…didn’t make sense….
one of my helpers spent time with one of the girls…sharing her life and testimony….
the girl prayed with her and accepted Jesus into her heart. She took her new Bible home with her….
worth all that work and time and prayer for one girl..?..you bet…..
we often don’t know what seeds we’ve planted along the way….
sometimes i want God to show me the lives of people who have
crossed my path so i can ‘see’ if they were influenced in any way by my life….
So, Katie, see you have influenced the life of this ‘one’ woman who sits
here in her jammies reading your precious ‘heart’ words….
be blessed today….thankyou for your faithfullness….loving and serving Jesus with you….Linda
“if it’s not worth doing for one, it’s not worth doing…”
So good. This is a helpful evaluator, to make sure I am doing things because the Lord has called me to it, regardless of the results.
Thanks for sharing your story, Linda!
Katie, I feel so honored that I got to read your post. You don’t need to feel afraid of sharing that you want to influence others for God because I think you’re on the right track here. He will lead you exactly where He wants you to go, especially in the blogging world. Not getting the sponsorship means that you are free to accept whatever other exciting opportunity that comes rolling to your door, be it a different sponsorship (from another great company) or a writing opportunity or whatever sits behind Door #3! I for one am excited at the possibilities that await you…and really hope to meet you this year at Relevant!
Thank you Susan! I really do want the Lord’s will. Praying HARD that it is His will for me to make it to Relevant. *wink*
I think it is great to want to influence people, I also have a dream of being greatly used by God – which is kinda the same, although I haven’t specifically related it to blogging. But I think we also need watch for the danger in dreaming that it can take our focus off where God has put us right now. I think we need to concentrate on making sure we are doing the best we can with what God has given us – like in the parable of the talents 🙂 You are a great influence though!
Keep being faithful and the Lord will guide you. Even if you’ve influenced just one person to deepen their relationship with Christ, all of your efforts have been worth it! The way Jesus went about things during His earthly ministry comes to mind. He wasn’t concerned with being influential and often turned people away in droves because they couldn’t accept the Truth about Him. Stay faithful and let the Lord do what He will. 🙂 The Parable of the Talents also comes to mind. 🙂
What a great post! I can so relate to your fear of dreaming… even though I’ve always been a dreamer I’m often afraid to share my dreams because I think they will not come true anyway… Thank you for sharing this! I just found your blog and I think I will follow you from now on. By the way, I come from Finland… I’m not sure if you think it’s influential but I’d like you to know that your blog is being read in a country so far away. 🙂
Thanks Mia! So fun to know that I have a “global” readership. I appreciate your comment.
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