I struggle through the funk of depression, and ride the wave of figuring out what works for us; press past the pursuit of the ideal, to find the realistic.
It’s hard to make these decisions. Endure the thoughts and judgements of others; worry that I’ve lost respect.
There are a few things that I hold to, through this bumpy time. Tangible facts I can tether my feelings to, and drown out the voices of disapproval—including my own. Markers which give me confidence that the Lord had led us here for a time, even thought the “right way” wasn’t always clear.
I am within Biblical boundaries. I am not walking in a pattern of sin by working outside of the home, or not homeschooling. There are no direct commands that I am disobeying. I am above reproach.
My husband is with me in the decision. He was the one who first suggested I go and look for a job. He has been in agreement with all the changes we’ve made, and he still supports them. We’re in this change together.
I’m walking with the Lord. I’m in the Word. I am listening to His Spirit the best I can. He is near. I am experiencing His grace, and the good news of the gospel more and more every day. I am safe in His presence.
My motives are right. I am not setting out to climb any ladders, or find my significance in my performance at work. I am not working so we can be more comfortable financially. I work to see if this depression will keep at bay.
My soul is getting better. Through having a new routine and a few days in my week that I can control and produce results, a part of my soul, which for years has been suppressed and told to hush, is now allowed to show herself. Perform. Keep things nice and organized—without anyone there to mess it up. And when I head home to the mess and chaos, the organized, non-flexible part of me can rest, and know that she will get her time again in a few days.
Many of you have been kind enough to share your own struggle with me, and I thank you. It has been a gift, to be embraced in my struggle and not criticized. My prayer for us all is that we can walk with the Lord, and then walk in confidence to where He leads each of us.
Write It, Girl
This is our last week of Write It, Girl. What a journey! Thank you for joining Stacey and me.
We have another treat for you, this week from the fabulous Emily Freeman of Chatting at the Sky.
When was the moment I first believed I am a writer? oh wow. Why is that so hard to answer? I think because even now, after having written a blog for six years and two books for a publisher, calling myself a writer still makes me feel a little school-girl silly. It’s because I so greatly respect the title. It’s because I so love the title. It’s because I’m a little shy of the title. I think I began to know it for sure when I stopped writing after my husband and I were married ten years ago. And for those few years, I felt a little lost. When I started Chatting at the Sky in 2006, my soul began untangling and it was then that I knew, oh. I feel more myself now. Maybe I’m a writer.
Funny how writing was the thing that convinced me I’m a writer. Maybe it’s that way with everyone?
Emily is bringing back Tuesdays Unwrapped for the month of December. Check it out!
Link up below! Anyone is welcome, just be sure to link up to your own Write It, Girl post (not your homepage), and comment on at least the post before yours in the link-up. Of course, we would love it if you use the button so we can find each other!
Your five markers are so good, Katie. We can use those for many different situations, and I pray the Lord will use them this very day to help any who are sorting through difficult decisions.
I relate to what Emily is saying. Perhaps my reluctance to admit out loud that “I am a writer” is because I’ve always admired writers so much; how could I be one myself?
Great way to think through your transition. And transition never feels comfortable or secure. It is what waits on the other side (fulfillment) that makes the struggle worth it. Thanks for honesty and the link up opportunity this month. I have enjoyed getting to know you!
Thank you, Shelly!
I think those are a great way to think through major decisions. I appreciate you being so honest about your struggle on a public blog and I hope that things are going well for you.
Those guidelines are such good things to have as a checklist.
And I love that your husband is so supportive.
And I love that our God is bigger than the stereotypes that are out there.
You are awesome.
The funk of depression can be a tough funk to beat. I like the guidelines you have written out, and the signs that accompany your post. This is something we can all relate to, but we all (ok, meaning me, me, me) don’t talk about.
This is my first time linking-up with you guys. Thanks for hosting and bringing together such a fun crew of writers.
Thanks, Amy. So comforting to know we are not alone, isn’t it?!
This is so good Katie. I remember Dr. Bright talking about knowing God’s will is a rational walk with Him – not bound up in emotion or what others are saying. You can discern His will – and walk in confidence!
This Write It, Girl has been so much fun. Who would have guessed at 30,000 feet we’d be so blessed by just inching our toe out and saying “I am a writer…are you?” Thanks for being my friend and walking with me through this.
Your 5 markers are wonderful. I’m so thankful to find others who work through depression, idealism, and our identity in Christ. These past 4 Mondays have been an amazing blessing. I’m so glad to have met you, Stacey and the other WriteItGirl ladies. It has added so much to my soul.
I am so thankful that I found your posts today. I struggle with living the ideal as well. I needed to hear your words and see that I am not alone. That the depression and the struggle don’t have to beet me. I will be praying for you!! I am thankful you are sharing your journey. God has been talking to me lately about doing just that. Starting my own blog and sharing my own journey of fighting the ideal and living life on His terms. He wants me to be real with the world about what it really means to be a christian and what it doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean that life is easy and full of happiness at all times! Thank you for helping me see that we can be real!!
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